A cross-culture adoption plea for help

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on May 13, 2011
Category : Adoption

Here is a cross-culture adoption plea for help. Do you know of any people who have adopted cross culturally with an older baby/toddler?  Please ask them to contact me.  Someone who is about to adopt a toddler from another race needs support and someone to talk to.

Contact me on so I can forward your details to her.

Adoption Support Group

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on May 07, 2011
Category : Adoption

The Decision to Adopt – By Jean Luyt (Clinical Psychologist)

“The decision to adopt has many difficult parts, from dealing with loss of the dream of having biological children, talking to your partner about it and considering the impact of attitudes of others towards your decision.

Cross cultural adoption adds other dimensions that can be very challenging.  This includes dealing with the attitudes of other people and knowing how to answer difficult questions from both an adopted child and others.  Any new parents could have anxieties about managing discipline and sibling issues but these issues can be more complex when the child is adopted.  It is also important to think carefully about what to tell your child about their adoption and when it is appropriate to have these discussions.

Almost everyone who has walked the path to adoption has found it a very unsettling time and many felt very isolated and lonely.  Although various informal support networks exist in Cape Town, most people struggle to find out about these networks.  These networks are also primarily for people who have already adopted and serve as a place for adoptive families to socialise with other adoptive families.  This serves the useful function of exposing adopted children to other adoptive families, diminishing their isolation or feelings of other-ness.  Often by the time people considering adoption connect to other people who are in the same boat as them, they have survived a long period of uncertainty already.

There is a gap in the services provided for people who are considering adopting but have not yet made a firm decision to adopt.  Although the adoption agencies do offer support for people considering adoption, but there is abviously anxiety from people who are considering adoption, because often there is a hurdle to getting to the point of decision to contact the agencies in the first place and then there is a sense of an evaluation component in all interactions with adoption agency staff, since all applicants will eventually be screened as potential adoptive parents.  Many potential adoptive parents worry that a sense of uncertainty about your wish to adopt might impact negatively on your chances of being deemed suitable to adopt.

The adoption support group aims to overcome these difficulties. Meeting with other people in the adoption process in a confidential space facilitated by a clinical psychologist who is completely outside the evaluation process of the adoption agencies, allows people to talk freely about the full range of emotions they may have about the process, including both their excitement and all their anxieties.  Meeting other people who are at different stages of the process allows people to see what other difficulties they may encounter and gives them  a more realistic experience of adoption, far removed from the idealistic picture they may have and confront people with issues they may not even have considered.

Ideally by going through the therapeutic process they will be able to make more appropriate decisions for themselves.”


Tuesday evening 19h30 – 21h00       3, 10, 17, 24, 31 May and 7, 14, 21 June 2011

Cost R 150 per session (could be claimed from medical aid depending on the benefits you have)

Please contact Jean Luyt for further information on or 084 685 4839

A great workshop

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on May 07, 2011
Category : Adoption

Today we had a really great workshop.  We had an awesome group of people, some heart wrenching stories and some HAPPY ENDING stories.  No matter what the stories, we all learned so much.  Today’s group consisted of

  • An adult adoptee
  • A new adoptive mom
  • A clinical psycologist with a multiracial family
  • A person busy with the adoption applications
  • A person wanting to enquire for the first time about adoption & how it all works
  • and me!!

To all of you, a MASSIVE thank you for your honesty, your empathy, your openness and your information.

Watch this space as I hope to post some of today’s stories soon.

The next workshop is Sat 04 June 2011.

Thanks again to everyone.

Group Discussion

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on May 07, 2011
Category : Adoption

Title: Group Discussion
Location: Kenilworth, Cape Town
Description: A monthly discussion group. Open to all pre and post adoptive families and anyone with an interest in adoption or infertility. Very informal with guest speakers and an opportunity to meet people and gather information & support.
Start Time: 09:30
Date: 2011-06-04
End Time: 12:30

Most of the holidays are over!

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on May 04, 2011
Category : Adoption

Most of the holidays are over! Well, it has been ages since I last blogged!  My excuse…Easter Eggs!  I bought them, I hid them, I ate them, I donated them, I am over them!!!!  It has been a lovely break but really disruptive in terms of work.

So the first order of business is to get a group discussion going this Saturday 07 May.  It’s time for us all to meet and chat and brainstorm the topics of infertility and adoption and all that goes with it.

So, please tell everyone you know and contact me to book.

Sat 7 May

09h30 – 12h30

Kenilworth, Cape Town

R 250 per person

Guest Speakers, tea, coffee, muffins, info pack.

Hope to see you all there.


Cross racial adoptions

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on April 18, 2011
Category : Adoption

“It is unacceptable for a child to be denied adoptive parents solely on the grounds that the child and prospective adopter do not share the same racial or cultural background.”  See more about Britain’s take on this topic:

Adoption Support Group

Do you need support in dealing with issues around your adoptive child and want to talk to other adoptive parents in a supportive environment?


Are you considering adoption, but want to talk to others in a supportive environment about the decision?

 Join the group run by Clinical Psychologist explore some of the themes with other adoptive parents.  The group runs from 10 May 2011 on Tuesday evening 19:30 – 21:00 in Rondebosch.  The cost is R150 per session (This fee could be claimed from your medical aid depending on what cover you have).

Contact: Jean Luyt for more information on 084 685 4839 or Facebook: Join the FB group “Passionate about adoption” or ‘like’ the FB page “Cape Town Adoption Support” to access information about services in the Cape Town area and to chat to others in a similar position.

Baby For Sale

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on April 05, 2011
Category : Adoption

I feel so sad when I read headlines that say ” Baby For Sale ” and articles like this one: .It gives adoption such a bad name.  There are 1.8 million kids available for adoption in South Africa and most role players are working honestly and tirelessly to ensure that these children are placed with families.  When a story like this is exposed, it sets us all back but the largest impact is on those teeny tiny people who need loving homes.  These social workers who have abused their positions of power should be strung up!  Grrr.  I would love to hear your comments on this horrid story.

Clicks Staff Wellness Day

Posted by Terri Lailvaux on April 05, 2011
Category : Adoption

Title: Clicks Staff Wellness Day Location: Clicks Distr. Centre. Montague Gardens Description: Creating awareness at Click Staff Wellness day around adoption, infertility and the assistance that is available for interested parties. Start Time: 10:00 Date: 2011-05-19 End Time: 15:00

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